When someone describes me as a bitch or mean or rude I don’t blink an eye. When they call me judgmental I nod along and can point out all the ways I was judgmental in the last ten minutes. It’s well known that I’m a pretty cranky and irritable person. Or, at least, it use to be known. Now, it turns out, I’m a pretty happy person. And that’s… new.
See, when I was in an unhappy marriage I was naturally unhappy. Everyone sucked and everything was stupid and every person in the world pissed me off in some way or another. If I didn’t hate you then you were one of the chosen few. And, let’s be honest, I didn’t even like most of my friends all of the time.
Then I got a divorce. Funny how something like that can change your life. Bit by bit I stopped being angry. I slowly learned to trust in happiness and let myself enjoy life. It took almost two years, but I discovered that happiness wasn’t an elusive unicorn. It was real and attainable and made life pretty damn amazing.
Things change when you start being happy. Suddenly the Facebook posts and tweets you loved before now irritate you to no end. I’m not saying that I don’t post negative posts. Old habits die hard and there are lots of things in my daily life that stress me out. HOWEVER, I know that I’m not as bad as I use to be. And now when I see a friend or acquaintance making a series of negative posts I unfollow them. I don’t want to see negativity anymore. I don’t want to be surrounded by it.
Been there. Done that. Took home the Gold. Over it.
As cheesy as it is to attribute my new found happiness to a man (yes, still a feminist) I can’t deny that my happiness comes from Scott. Being in a happy and healthy relationship has changed my outlook on life. He’s taught me so much about letting things go and forgiving. Today my wedding song came on the radio and I didn’t rush to turn it off. Okay, so I didn’t break out into song and perform some Goo Goo Dolls for my coworkers, but I did listen to it. And you know what? That’s a good song. I don’t hate it any longer.
Being happy is pretty fucking awesome. I don’t think I’ve honestly been happy since my grandfather passed away. Yes, mother, I did hold onto that for years and years. You were right. But everyone already knew that. The last year of my life has silenced all my old demons. It’s put
all most of my self doubts to rest. Scott had a lot to do with it, but I know that my friends played a huge part too. The people in your life will make your life or break it if you let them. Why let people who suck the life out of you stick around? It’s not an easy lesson to learn, but an important one.
So, here I am. 31 years old with an amazing boyfriend, superb friends and a killer rack. My life is pretty damn awesome. Time to look the other way when I see negative people. Time to ignore the bitterness I see around me. Time to live a happy life for the first time in a long time.