Well, it’s time.
Trust me, no one is more excited than me, but in the same breath I am terrified. I’m leaving everything I’ve known for my entire life and driving away from the only state I’ve ever called home. Moving twelve hours from my friends and family isn’t going to be easy. Jumping into life as a fiancee (or, right, I’m engaged now!) and a step-mother isn’t going to be easy either. Basically, I’m in for a whole lot of difficult.
So, why do it? Simple. I love Scott. I adore Tatiana. I’m ready to start my life with my new family and that means I have to say goodbye to my life here. And, yes, there are bits of Indiana I’m going to miss. I’ll miss my family and my friends. I’ll miss the beach. I’ll miss knowing the back way to everywhere in three counties. I’ll miss knowing the sounds my apartment makes. I’ll miss being able to walk into my parents’ home whenever I want. I’ll miss garage sale days and the drive-in and the farmer’s market. I’ll miss being a train ride away from the best city in the world. I’ll miss a million other things that I’m not going to list here because it’ll make me sad and I’ll want to cry.
But, if I’m being totally honest with myself… the things I won’t miss outweigh the things I will. I won’t miss the pollution. I won’t miss the traffic. I won’t miss living in an apartment. I won’t miss worrying about who I might see when I’m out and about. I won’t miss being alone. I won’t miss Facetiming with Scott every night. I won’t miss how expensive things are up here. And, more than anything, I won’t miss my past.
You see, my past is everywhere in NWI. Driving through town is an assault on my memories. Each building and park triggers another memory and while some of them are good, there are bad ones as well. I remember the places I went with my ex-husband and I remember things I did with former friends. Living in your home town your entire life makes it hard to distance yourself from the bad.
So as I am preparing to leave, I’m also preparing to let go of Katy of the past. She went through a lot of shit in her 31 years in Northwest Indiana. She started and failed so many times. She had her heart broken several times. She married. She divorced. She commuted to the city and walked to her office in Valpo. She moved from apartment to apartment and even lived in that damn trailer for awhile. She always called Salt Creek home and she made some amazing friends. I love the girl I was in NWI and I loved growing into a young adult. Now? Now I feel grown up. Now I’m ready to be a woman and a wife and a step-mother.
I’ll miss you, NWI, but I’m ready to say goodbye.