the day I became a parent.

Today I became a parent. I honestly and truly became a parent today and that means I should write about it. Because today is the day I want to remember. I want to look back and go… yes, yes I remember that day and I remember feeling that way.

Being a step-parent is a rough gig, but that’s a topic for another blog. Being a step-parent is one thing, but today I dropped the step portion of my title. I am a parent. And that means I get to be frustrated and angry and annoyed and tired and stressed and still somehow happy. Tonight was hard and I feel my head throbbing and my blood pressure up. I shouldn’t be happy after this. I should want OUT or at least a glass of wine and sushi, but instead I’m happy.

So, lemme explain what happened.

IMG_5517

In the happy, silly moments before the world descended into madness.

Tonight was Family Night at school. The kiddo wanted to go, so naturally, we went. And if you tell me that you actually enjoy going to a humid gym that smells like feet while shouting kids run around then you’re either a) lying or b) crazy. Scott and I didn’t want to go. Who wants to go to that hell? But, still, we went. We did the book exchange and made the paper crown and played a rhyming game and… well then all hell brook loose.

Kiddo decided she was too scared to play with the other kids. And that’s fine. I’m not frustrated because she’s scared. I’m frustrated because her fears are holding her back from doing things I know she’ll enjoy. Bravery and stepping outside of our comfort zones are something we are working on. (In other words, this isn’t about asking for advise, so don’t offer.)

Scott and I.. well, we had a talk with her. We talked about respecting your parents when they do fun things with you. We talked about not letting fears hold you back. We talked about communicating feelings and how we can’t help until we know what’s wrong. We talked and she cried and she laughed and she cried and by the end of it all I was certain of only a few things.

1. I sound like my mother.
2. Parenting is really fucking hard.
3. Holy shit, I’m helping to create a person.
4. I needed a drink.
5. I can’t imagine anything in life more fulfilling in the world.

When something frustrates you beyond measure and you want to pull your hair out and scream and take a drink and yet you still want to do it... then yup. You’re a parent.

I’m a parent.

Fuck.

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